Sleep

When Maddy was a very little girl she was so wonderful at bedtime. We said time to go to bed and off she went. We went in gave her a kiss and she was off to a good nights sleep. When she was a bit older and the seizures started she ended up in our bed. At first it was for my piece of mind and then we began the long battle to get her back in her room. Several years passed with all sorts of sleep accommodations, concessions and compromises until she was finally back in her room sleeping on her own.

Mark and I are fond of an early bedtime, while Maddy prefers to stay up late. When we can we let her stay up later than we do. This gives her some independence and time truly to herself. When she does not feel well or has just had a seizure I will still lay in bed with her once in a while. Maddy loves when we travel because she and I have to share a bed. Even at 15 she loves for me to sleep with her.

Over the past few weeks her sleeping patterns have shifted and she has been wanting me in bed with her more and more. We are seeing her neurologist today for the yearly check up and a few other things. I am not sure if her body is changing again and that is why she feels she needs me near or if it is because I am about to be away from her again.

This year will definitely be the most time I have been away from her in several years. She might get mad at me 1000 times a day , but she has such a strong bond to me because of all we have been through it is hard on her for us to be apart. I encourage her independence but at the same time I worry about her almost constantly. She often tells me I worry to much, but I worry about everything. My thinking is that most people don't worry enough so I need to worry a little extra to make up the difference.

Last night as she is asking me to lay with her until she fell asleep I made a decision. I know she is 15, I know she needs to be independent, but I also never want to look back and think that I should have laid with her just that one more time.

Hopefully soon she will be back to Miss Independent, but until then I will enjoy this time of being needed.